Monday, December 1, 2008
My First Blog
Well Hi. I guess a little introduction would be nice. I'm James. I've never really blogged before. One might say I've never really had a reason to. My life really is not that interesting (depending on who you ask), I'm not a good writer and I'm horrible at grammar and spelling. Oh well right?... I will warn you now though. Some posts may include gore, perversion, colorful language, sexual content and the occasional post dehumanizing women. Probably because some girl, possibly my girlfriend pissed me off. But I'll try and keep it to a minimum.
So where do I begin. I guess I'll start with what my morning consisted of. I sat at a computer watching some dudes neck (who we'll call Surgery Steve for the purpose of this blog) get filleted open on an operating room table, while some other guy (who we'll call Dr. Douche) tries to relieve their chronic radicular pain by removing bones from their spine. It'll probably work, and Steve wake painless, flailing his arms about like a raggedy Anne doll, but what happens while he was sleeping is a world nobody will ever really fully comprehend. One person is put in their most vulnerable time in their lives while to everyone else it's become so routine they've lost their sense of compassion. Who am I kidding, I facilitate this... Sorry Stevo.
Here I am telling the Dr. Douche about some hot chick I met over the weekend who was wearing a tank-top and every time she reached for her drink I was sitting in the best spot in the bar to see some sweet side boob. Awesome right? Who doesn't enjoy side boob? Great fucking story to guys who refers to "ass" as a noun and not a verb. The nurses in the room are disgusted but pretend not to be, the salesmen adds some colorful comments about how his wife forgot what sex was, you know the usual "I'm old and have kids so my life has become a joke to those of you who are still awesome" type comment. The PA's depending on wheather they're male or female pick a side and defend it (i.e. "You guys are pigs and you should respect Mrs. Side-tit regardless weather or not she was using her body as a tool to attract the biggest, alpha-male, meat-head in the bar"). Before you know it, the lesbian OR charge nurse hears the conversation on her rounds and throws in some great story about a string of sexual conflict she was apart of in Key West last Mardi Gras. Who does't want to hear about that? I mean I know there's only 4 hot lesbians in the world, but for some reason when guys here story's about lesbo's it's always Terri Hatcher banging Eva Longoria and not two trolls eating a dead carcass. I'm sorry for that description but we all know the truth...
Anyway, A mixture of blood and warm saline rapidly fill containers surrounding Steve's OR table. Dr. Douche is listening to Johny Cash's version of Hurt by NIN and making screw holes in the back of Steve's spine so he can fuse the top 5 levels with metal rods. I'll asure Douche that electrically Steve's spinal chord and nerves suffered no loss of function. He won't hear me because the music is so loud and he's getting paged by the ICU with concerns about his next patient Sally. As Douche slowly closes the wound we walk away with a victory... everyone in the room "got their's" from Highmark, and Steve can continue down his path of self destruction which led him here in the first place and more than likely will bring him back here again. So as Steve spends the next 5 days recovering from his opperation, Dr. Douche and I perform 10 more just like it creating forever flow of medical revenue.
What's the point of this post? Well to stress the fact REAL LIFE IS NOTHING LIKE GREYS ANATOMY. Quit being an idiot.